One of the best nights of Taylor Swift’s life, meeting OMJ Ryan at the 02 in London, March 2014
On the face of it, as a senior director for one of Europe’s largest radio networks, I had what many people would class as a dream job. I was well paid, got to rub shoulders with artists and celebrities and was regularly invited to some of the country’s most exclusive gigs. Two events in particular stick in my mind: the first found me sitting in Warner Music’s private box at the Albert Hall in London, watching Coldplay perform just a few feet in front of me. The second saw me being shown around the backstage area of Taylor Swift’s sold out 02 arena gig by her mum, before being embraced like an old friend by the star herself, just thirty minutes later. Surreal doesn’t even get close.
And there were plenty more weird and wonderful experiences in my two decades of working in radio across the UK and Australia, such as:
Sitting less than fifty feet away from Madonna when a wardrobe malfunction saw her dragged backwards off stage at the Brit Awards.
Having ‘Jones’ from Police Academy perform his mesmerising voice trickery – to just me, in the corner of the Australian Radio Network’s Sydney office – after I told him how much I loved watching his movies growing up.
Getting face to face financial advice from Jordan Belfort, AKA the Wolf of Wall Street.
Proposing to my wife in Bono’s favourite Australian restaurant at Whale Beach in Sydney’s northern beaches.
Michael Winslow, AKA Jones from Police Academy, Sydney, 2010
Jordan Belfort, AKA The Wolf of Wall Street, Melbourne, 2011
None of this was what I’d imagined doing for a living as a kid growing up in the industrial town of Huddersfield, England, which I guess is what made it all the more surreal.
And yet, something was missing from my life. Despite the money, the perks and the so called ‘power’ of my position, when I was offered the chance to leave it all behind, Usain Bolt would have struggled to beat me to the door.
So why was that?
A decade or two ago, people might have classed what I was going through as a mid-life crisis. I was forty-three, six-months earlier I’d become a dad for the first time, and my own father had passed away less than two months previously. There was a lot going on in my head.
Like my dad, I was devoted to my work, out the door at 6.30 a.m. every morning before jumping on a train or a plane to another part of the UK. At the time, my wife jokingly called me The Bath Guy, a phrase I used to sing to my son, Vaughan, each night to the tune of ‘I’m the Skat-man’.
That was all I had during the week, an hour each night to bath my boy and cuddle him to sleep.
I can recall thinking as my own dad was dying in his hospital bed, just how little quality time I’d actually spent with him growing up, how little I knew about him and his own childhood. It was quite normal for my dad to be away all week before arriving home late on a Friday night and heading straight to the pub with my mum. He would then spend pretty much the whole weekend renovating our house.
As kids, my older brother and sister and I didn’t play with dad or goof around with him, we stayed out of his line of sight. It was easier and safer that way because he had little understanding of how to interact with kids and a hair-trigger Irish temper. Not a great combination on a makeshift building site.
Watching him dying in those last few weeks, the harsh reality struck me – I was doing exactly the same thing with my own son: away all week and exhausted and mentally drained on the weekends. If I wasn’t careful, Vaughan would grow up not really knowing me, either. A terrifying thought.
That was early March 2018.
By the time I walked into what I thought was a routine update meeting with my newly appointed boss, it was coming towards the end of April of the same year.
When I took my seat and he uttered the words ‘I want to talk to you about structure…’ I knew what was coming. I’d been on the other side of the desk enough times and given the same, uncomfortable, HR-written speech myself. ‘We’re changing your role…streamlining the business…looking to be more efficient… yada yada yada…’
Despite his insistence we follow protocols, all I wanted to know was how much money they would give me to walk away, right there and then. My mind’s eye was already imagining a life without the daily grind of office politics. I could finish the book I’d been writing for the last ten years, get a publishing deal…then a Netflix show, or a movie deal…and sit on my yacht in the Med, living my dream life!
Well, if you haven’t got dreams, what have you got?
I remember quite clearly, standing outside the offices in Leeds after the meeting, as I called my wife to tell her what had just happened. The sun was shining, it was red hot and I finally had the chance to escape and live my dreams – IF I had the guts to walk away that is.
Vaughan was less than six months old and we’d just bought a new house.
It was a huge financial risk.
As ever, Kim was my rock and she was in no doubt what I should do. She’d seen how unhappy I’d become at work and how much I was missing spending time with Vaughan. She also believed I was meant for bigger and better things. She encouraged me to follow the great Tony Robbins’s advice to ‘Burn the boats and bet on myself’.
When I ended that call and walked back inside the building, I knew in my heart I was leaving. All I had to do next was persuade my head – after all, that was the part of me that worried about paying the bills, being a sensible and responsible father, just like my own dad.
Needless to say, after quite a few ‘Am I doing the right thing?’ moments over the next month, on the 31st of May, 2018, I walked away from my twenty year career in radio, a six figure salary and the safety of employment, into the unknown world of life as a full time author.
It was the most exciting and terrifying day of my forty-three years on this planet, so far.
My backside and a bunny rabbits nostrils twitching springs to mind.
What followed was one of the best summers I can remember. 2018 was a baking hot one for months on end, Vaughan was yet to be enrolled in nursery and Kim was on maternity leave so we had proper time together as a family. Plus the football World Cup was happening. I loved every minute of it.
I also finally completed my book, ‘Media Monster’, which I self-published in July of that year.
This was it, my big break. I was about to join the likes of Michael Collins, John Grisham and James Patterson as a literary giant.
Only I wasn’t.
‘Media Monster’ received great reviews and sold quite well from a standing start, but nowhere near enough copies to replace my old salary or cover my monthly outgoings.
My bubble had finally burst.
So as the summer turned into autumn, I began to lose faith in my dream of being a full time author. With a long notice period and a few years service under my belt, my redundancy money was still in reasonably good shape, but it wouldn’t last forever and with each week that passed, the sales of ‘Media Monster’ were getting smaller and I was getting more and more frustrated.
Finally, in late October 2018, after months of soul searching, I decided the sensible, responsible thing to do would be to start looking for a job. The dream was over, or – as I promised myself at the time – just on hold, for now.
So, it was with a very heavy heart that I updated my CV for the first time in years and began connecting to recruitment companies. I was gutted, my gamble hadn’t paid off and my dreams were in tatters.
But then, just a few weeks later, having finally let go and surrendered to the universe, I received an email late one Friday afternoon that made my pulse quicken. It had come through my website and was from Inkubator Books, a brand new digital publishing house launching in Dublin. They had read ‘Media Monster’, loved it and wanted to sign me!
I was over the moon, but my joy soon turned to suspicion as I read the email in full:
‘We are wondering if you would be interested in discussing the possibility of relaunching Media Monster - with a new title, a new cover, and some judicious editing to tailor it for the Kindle market.’
My ego went into hyperdrive. If they loved my writing so much, how come they wanted to change everything about the book? A book I’d nurtured for over ten years. If I signed, would I be handing over control of my baby to someone else? Could I trust them? Or was it a scam where they’d make millions from my hard work and I’d get nothing? I’d seen it happen in the music industry, could the the same be true in publishing?
I needn’t have worried. After the first round of conversations with Inkubator’s partners – both successful writers in their previous careers – I knew I was in safe hands and the discussions that followed were incredibly positive and liberating. Working with people who have actually walked in your shoes, truly understand what makes you tick – and appreciate you for it is one the best feelings in the world.
In hindsight and with the benefit of Inkubator’s experience in the industry, it was easy to see the fundamental mistakes I’d made as a fledgling writer when I self-published ‘Media Monster’. Without any real understanding of the hugely complex Amazon algorithms, it was no surprise I’d started to drop down the rankings just a couple of months after launch.
All the changes they suggested made perfect commercial sense and the reworked ‘Media Monster’ became ‘Deadly Secrets’, which we relaunched in May 2019. That was followed in October that same year by our first collaboration, ‘Deadly Silence’, my debut novel in the Detective Jane Phillips series.
As you read this blog, I’m am just a few months away from releasing ‘Deadly Veil’, my eleventh title and my ninth novel in the Detective Jane Phillips series, which has also spawned two Amazon UK Best-sellers.
It’s hard to believe that in just three years, I’ve written and published eleven crime thrillers that have received in excess of ninety-million page reads on Kindle as well as averaging 4.5 stars in over fifteen-thousand reviews on Amazon across the globe.
I can’t tell you how thrilling it is to know people are reading and enjoying my words in the UK, the US, Germany, Australia, India, Hong Kong and Japan.
To be honest, it has not been an easy ride.
At times I have been plagued by self-doubt and guilt for taking such risks financially, but with the unflinching belief and support of my wife Kim, as well as expert help from a raft of amazing people (I’ll talk more about them in an upcoming blog), I’m now a fully fledged, internationally acclaimed, crime fiction author.
I may not have the Netflix show or millions in the bank – yet – but I truly believe everything I have ever dreamed of is within reach. And that’s because I’m doing what I’m meant to do. I feel it in my gut and I see it in the feedback from my readers.
So now, when I look back and ask myself why I wasn’t right for corporate land, the answer is easy: corporate land wasn’t right for me.
I’m living proof that it’s never too late to live the life you’ve imagined and to deliver on your life’s purpose.
I often think of the kind of conversations I’ll have with Vaughan when he’s grown up. One of the things I’m most proud of, is the fact I’ll never have to say, ‘I wonder what would have happened if I’d bet on myself and gone for it as a full time author?’
I did bet on myself and now I’m doing it, every day.
Walking away from the so called safety of a ‘normal’ job is scary. It feels like you’re losing the floor beneath you, but you’re also blowing away the ceiling from above your head.
Staying on your true path can be challenging – I can certainly vouch for that – but there’s no finer feeling than knowing every single day, in every fibre of your being, you’re doing what makes you truly happy and living your life’s purpose.
If your own gut’s telling you you have a higher purpose than what you’re doing right now, listen to it, and bet on yourself.
After all, Taylor Swift did, and look what happened to her – she got to meet OMJ Ryan. :)